By Leigh Bills

I was excited to attend my first Gifted Association of Missouri conference in late October. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect, but I was really hoping to pick up some parenting tactics that would bring fresh energy to raise my gifted child. What I came away with was nowhere near that simple.

I was surprised to find that so many of the characteristics I have observed in my son over the past seven years and attributed to mere personality traits are common to many gifted children. This gave me a sense of greater community and the possibility of better understanding, but also the challenge of realizing again how little I know. It was encouraging to hear Dr. James Webb describe common experiences of parenting a gifted child, and I deeply appreciated the chance to finally laugh at some of those trying roller coaster moments. Seeing the nodding heads and chuckles of those around me, I felt a dawning possibility of kinship with other parents. Maybe my sense of the “otherness” of my child and our relationship and the unique twists his development and interests have taken thus far would not continue to be the isolating experience that it has been. I began to catch glimpses of the puzzle pieces that I have observed from his birth—the unwillingness to sleep, the advanced verbalization, the passionate interests that in-laws labelled as abnormal, and the anxiety and perfectionism, all falling into a larger picture of his unique mind and personality. This, I intuitively knew about him, but now I had a larger context for it. I felt validated for the times I have tried to stand in the gap and not force him to be the square peg stuffed in the round hole on the pegboard. But also, aware of my inadequacy to help him negotiate the complexities of channeling his overexcitabilities into positive outlets and feeling that he “belongs” in this world.

After listening to Dr. Brandi Klepper, I sincerely wished that I could spend the weekend with her and pick her brain. She made it sound so feasible to raise a well-adjusted, healthy, integrated child who has a sense of self and yet feels a belonging to a greater community! Ha! While that is obviously no simple task, it was notable the volume of parents and children that she sees as they strive toward that goal. It made me wish we could join her practice too!

Lunch was a pleasure as I sat with other parents and listened to their experiences and their commitment to supporting and encouraging their children. It was eye opening to realize the support that is out there if you know where to look. But as always, it was overwhelming to feel that the burden of this may fall largely on my shoulders as parent. That feeling did not diminish during the final session in which Sara Lampe exhorted the parents to get deeply involved and to be the voice of change demanding equal educational rights for gifted students and their unique needs. I am grateful for the support of the many educators and administrators currently engaging these children, but I left feeling concerned that those same programs may be at risk.

All in all, it was a whirlwind introduction to the world of gifted education and to the ongoing and very unique gifts and challenges that these students face across their lifetimes. It was a nice reminder that parenting is one encounter at a time and that a lot of grace is required by all parties as we walk it out over the long haul.