By Leigh Bills
On June 14th, I had the pleasure of once again hearing Dr. Brandi Klepper speak. She spoke at the Springfield Art Musuem about molding motivation in gifted adolescents, and even though my children are not yet adolescents, I found the information useful and fascinating. It is such a good reminder to hear about the stages of brain development and the legitimate, biological barriers to good impulse control prior to adulthood.
I was also struck by the sheer number of concerns plaguing the minds of children. In her experience kids may be worrying about everything from what to eat and wear to the state of the Earth far into the future. Too often, I suspect, we parents attribute a lack of motivation to laziness when it fact it may be far more complicated. The complexity of choices and problems in our world right now can be almost paralyzing at times to adults, but to a sensitive or anxious child it can be overwhelming. And according to Dr. Klepper, increasing motivation in our children is not a black and white formula but rather a shifting combination of approaches. She highlighted times when extrinsic motivators may be useful and appropriate; but cautioned that they be used wisely so that an intrinsically motivated child is not put off. She also strongly encouraged parents to make use of motivating resources outside the home in the form of coaches, mentors and paid professionals.
One idea I tucked away in my mind for when my children reach this stage is to negotiate more and try to control less. She used an example of a child gifted at piano who had become bored with piano practice and attending lessons. Her recommendation was to find a way to keep the child in piano even if it meant fewer lessons or negotiating the amount of time dedicated to practice. This solution may not be a parent’s first choice, but it can help a child continue through a period of boredom or frustration.
Additionally, I was struck by her explanation of the internal dialogue present when a child succeeds or fails at something they either perceive themselves to be capable of or unable to achieve. So much of the way we as parents can impact our child is to help mold that internal dialogue by encouraging perseverance, giving permission to fail, and challenging children in the right way. It is important for gifted children to be placed in situations where they are not always the brightest student and have to work to achieve and possibly even fail in the process. This can be a real challenge with a child who is natural perfectionist!
And finally, Dr. Klepper encouraged parents to educate their children deliberately about their own brain development, about the social “games” that are required to function in this world, and to increase their own capacity and self-efficacy (their belief in their innate ability to achieve something). Parenting is such a challenge just to make it through the day sometimes, but to really try, and hopefully excel, requires a great deal of self-awareness and a healthy dose of continuing education. I am grateful to Dr. Klepper for her empowerment of parents in this community.
Leigh Bills is a mother of three who is still relatively new to the Springfield area. She’s a former homeschooler whose two oldest children are now in the public school system. Her second grader has gratefully enjoyed every minute of WINGS and Leigh is exploring the world of parenting gifted children among other interests, such as art, travel, and the study of foreign languages.